All Hail The Bouquet

Isn't it funny how flowers seem to fix everything? 

I just had a huge, well- not overly proportionate but mildly life changing- fight with my boyfriend. I won't go into issues as that goes blah blah blah but the main issue was trust. As one might have guessed. So I got a huge bouquet of flowers and is it wrong that I accepted them with a smile and threw my trust issues out the door? I will admit, I am a sucker for romance. Who isn't? If you watch enough "chick flicks" you're bound to fall for the cheesy moves- and guys know this! Believe me, and heed my warning, the cheesy moves work! I am not saying all will be forgiven with flowers but it definitely subsided some of the angst. To be continued...

the things mother didn't warn me about

Why is it that nobody warns you about your first love? Everyone always smiles adoringly knowing exactly what's in store for you if you meet the statistics and end up breaking up. Clearly I have felt the effects of a failed love, I have accepted it; and though it is hard, I am doing my best to mend my heart and move along. What's funny is although the first love you feel is the most pure emotion- nobody warns you that once thats gone, there is no more emotion. 

For those virgin hearts out there I give you fair warning, falling in love AGAIN is the hardest battle I have ever had with myself. Of course there is the inevitable compare and contrast element with love #1 and love #2 but the hard part is feeling like you felt before, and I don't think I will ever feel that way again. So I find myself in a dilemma of silent acceptance verses ultimate loneliness. Neither are ideal I assure you. 

I work hard at a lot of things in life but relationships I guarantee are my biggest effort. And they never work out how you think they might. If I spend one day, or one week, or one month unhappy with someone do I leave them? Do I follow my selfish "Id" instincts and carry on without someone? I could never be so cruel. But why do I continually subject myself to these unsatisfying moments? What in the human mind compels me to stay.

Mother never told me after Love #1 all emotions are mute. And I miss feeling happy...truly happy, not the convince myself that I am happy, happy.

..and we meet

By IRS standards I am single, in my twenties and more than ready to check a box other than "less than $5000" yearly income. I'm almost done with my college education and am about to kiss the chicken flavored ramen packages goodbye! Life has taken some peculiar twists as I grow into myself. I suppose that's what keeps life exciting but for the most part it has tested my resilience and I find myself being infinitely stronger than I could have ever imagined. In an effort to share myself with the world, coupled with the fact that writing in a diary really cramps up the hands after awhile, I have created this here blog. *Girl On The Verge* who knows what I'll do next... :-)