My usual Sunday evening Facebook stalking routine caught me a bit off guard--- I am the last of my high school gal pals to remain child-free. Three out of three of my closest adolescent female companions A. have a child or B. are with child. Now for those of us not great at math, this equals 100% of my high school lady posse. The girls that once identified with my fears of first dates, failed exams and sneaking in past curfew are Mothers. Whoa.
I also find myself to be the last woman of the 1987-1988 birth year genre that seems to still believe in the women's movement. We worked so hard to prove we don't need no stinkin' men and here I find I am the only one waving my burning bra in the air. Hello!!!???!!-- INDEPENDANT WOMEN-- where are you??!!?? I look like an idiot out here by myself!
All weekend all I heard out of the mouths of my college grad lady pals was, "When I get married..." or "When we have kids"....Did I miss the love boat memo? We are 22-years-old, what's the flappin' rush? I can't even settle with a Roth IRA account provider what on earth would or could compel me to settle for a spouse or a child? Much less both!! Not to go on too much of a rant here; I know for some people, marriage and motherhood (and the stress and stretch marks that come with it) are a great blessing. Maybe something that a woman might possibly, maybe, potentially be ready for at such a young age. But not me. And here's why:
1. The Settling Factor
Here's my deal with settling down; it's settling. We've spent our whole lives talking ourselves up and learning that we deserve the very best and never to settle. And now here you're telling me you've searched high-and-low, online and off and this is the best you can find? This is the person you're saying, "Yes, you there, you're the best I can get, I'll take you forever, Where do I sign?" ....Really?
2. The Forever Factor
When you get married, or have children, its a FOREVER commitment. Yes, divorce, separation and annexation happen, sadly at alarming rates. But why sign that life contract at 21 or 22? You really have no other plans for yourself? I've heard the reasoning before that, "Well, we're going to be together forever so might-as-well get hitched." I tend to digest that statement as the glass half-empty viewpoint. If you're destined to be together forever, why rush? In today's jaded world it's perfectly acceptable to live together or date forever...so why not wait another few years before you order that 8-tier cake that costs more than your car...maybe a few years down the road forever might not look so great. Wouldn't it be nice to have an escape before its a signed, sealed, delivered life contract?
3. The Selfish Factor
Yes, I am selfish and I deserve it. I spent my childhood listening to my parents; my youth listening to my parents, my friends, my friends parents, my teachers and MTV!! And now here I am, I survived, I am a free bird and I'll be damned if I'm not gonna cash it in for all it's worth. I have plans for myself and I need to take care of those before I can think about anyone else. This is my time. I want a career, I want to see the world, and I want a Chanel bag. And I fear if I don't legitimetly attempt to check those off my list, it will erupt in some horrid mid-life crisis when I am 38 with 3 kids and a failing marriage. I'd rather wait until I'm ready...which brings me to my final point.
4. The Fear Factor
I may never be ready. I am terrified to be married. I am terrified to be a mother. I don't waste time thinking much about either. I have no evidence that love and/or marriage last forever. My parents gave me no happy-couple blueprints and my friends' parents didn't do much better. What examples do I have to follow except for sappy chick-flicks? None. And having children? Forget it. I think I would be much too hard on my child and being disappointed in someone is almost as bad as when someone is disappointed in you. I don't want to be that person. So I am forced to go with the facts here and not get on this merry-go-round of what people think they should do with their lives: graduate high school, graduate college, find a career, find a partner, get hitched, find a house, have a kid(s), devote your life to giving your children a good life....and hope the cycle carries on.
Pardon me as I take the path less traveled. Wish me luck--and give me your address so I can send your wedding/baby gift!
