I was invited to dinner tonight but I said, "No, thank you" and then I have the nerve to come home, turn on some sad music and feel sorry for myself. I realize now this depression is a product of my own creation...but I can't help myself.
It's odd how you can feel yourself slip in and out of moods. I feel myself diving into a sad puddle of solidarity and while I like to tell myself I should shake it off and be happy, there's something about going to a deep, dark place that I secretly revel in. It's me being 100% with me and it gives me a moment to think and be who I am verses who I think I am and who I think I need to be.
Truth: I don't where where all my friends went.
Honest Truth: I thought I was a social butterfly but come to think of it, I'm in bed by 9 and I'm probably not that much fun to be around anymore.
Communication between one group of friends is almost entirely via my boyfriend. They are the sports watching, beer drinking lot that I enjoy...but not for every sporting event known to man! Communication with my old gang of friends from home has been interrupted by a continued (and seemingly never-ending!!) flow of children and marriages and lives that I simply can't identify with. I struggle to find things to talk about and can't stand when their children interrupt our conversations. (RUDE!) Work friends don't count, they're like family...kind of forced upon you. Not that I'm complaining, I enjoy most everyone at work and in my family.
I don't get invited to many things anymore...and I don't blame anyone because after all, it's ME who's denying dinners and outings left and right. I wouldn't ask myself to go anywhere either. Part of my reasoning for the denial is I'm feeling broke...four hundred something bucks a week is tough to hang on to in this city of exorbitant monthly rent and bills. The other part is, I'm lazy. I'm tired after a 10-hour workday and don't have the energy most nights to do anything but feed my cat. I am the oldest 25-year-old I know. And yes, I do watch Jeopardy when I'm home in time to do so.
....to be continued. It's sweatpants time.
It's odd how you can feel yourself slip in and out of moods. I feel myself diving into a sad puddle of solidarity and while I like to tell myself I should shake it off and be happy, there's something about going to a deep, dark place that I secretly revel in. It's me being 100% with me and it gives me a moment to think and be who I am verses who I think I am and who I think I need to be.
Truth: I don't where where all my friends went.
Honest Truth: I thought I was a social butterfly but come to think of it, I'm in bed by 9 and I'm probably not that much fun to be around anymore.
Communication between one group of friends is almost entirely via my boyfriend. They are the sports watching, beer drinking lot that I enjoy...but not for every sporting event known to man! Communication with my old gang of friends from home has been interrupted by a continued (and seemingly never-ending!!) flow of children and marriages and lives that I simply can't identify with. I struggle to find things to talk about and can't stand when their children interrupt our conversations. (RUDE!) Work friends don't count, they're like family...kind of forced upon you. Not that I'm complaining, I enjoy most everyone at work and in my family.
I don't get invited to many things anymore...and I don't blame anyone because after all, it's ME who's denying dinners and outings left and right. I wouldn't ask myself to go anywhere either. Part of my reasoning for the denial is I'm feeling broke...four hundred something bucks a week is tough to hang on to in this city of exorbitant monthly rent and bills. The other part is, I'm lazy. I'm tired after a 10-hour workday and don't have the energy most nights to do anything but feed my cat. I am the oldest 25-year-old I know. And yes, I do watch Jeopardy when I'm home in time to do so.
....to be continued. It's sweatpants time.
