I hope what I share here is not too personal or too liberal for your taste- but this is MY blog, my thoughts, my opinions- I am well aware there is always a flurry of disagreement in the world. However, please do not scorn me for my choices/potential choices...I have already been burned for this matter but now I seek a release for the pain I am feeling and writing is my chosen outlet. Please just read and digest my point-o'view.
Last month, Playboy magazine was in town to audition college ladies to be in their upcoming speical edition. For several years now I thought it would be somewhat of an honor to be in the magazine which features beautiful women. In my opinion, it is not grotesque or pornographic but rather beautiful, posed, classy (if you will) pictures of nude women. I don't really have a problem with it- but nakedness isn't a huge deal to me as long as its tasteful.
In all honesty I have spent the past several cable bills watching (and DVR-ing) episodes of "The Girls Next Door" and "Kendra". I admire their success. Not idol worship by any means- but in my opinion- they are beautiful women who have made a great success on their looks and talents, please note that while yes they are beautiful, the fact that they've cashed in on this feature also tells me they are smart...I have longed to be similar to these ladies for quite some time. And I did think I had at least a decent shot at this magazine audition. Here's my reasoning: I think I am a beautiful person. Not in the conceited sorority ditzy girl way- I pride myself for not being a self-absorbed woman. I still need confidence boosts from my boyfriend. I appreciate compliments I receive from other and am careful to not let them go to my head so I DON'T end up like one of "those" girls. I work hard for my success. I feel this makes me the perfect candidate to be a "Bunny"....so I auditioned.
To my surprise- I got a call that I was selected to represent my University in Playboy. The photoshoot is next month. I was overjoyed- but the negative reactions from my Mother worried sick that my future will be destroyed by this has me thinking twice- and I haven't even told my Dad yet...she fears for my future opportunities, if I enter politics it will ruin me (which really isn't my plan at the moment though I have a keen interest in the political sphere). That this decision will follow me (not only follow, but haunt me) forever, impact jobs, people I date, hurt my family/embarrass them/have me disinherited...
I was hoping for a more proud/thrilled reaction than what I got. It is certainly not the reactions from parents that is displayed on the E Hollywood Story of these women who also were selected to be in the publication. Apparently I would be an embarrassment to the family--but this is something that I have wanted to do for sometime now- and here it is, in my lap- its become a reality and my family is not/will not be happy for me about it. I always try to make my family proud and this opportunity appears as it will shame them and its a little hard for me to grasp that concept.
I am almost 23-years-old, a bonified adult- but my family still holds a firm grasp over my head. Not in the way you likely picture- no, they do not pay my rent or my bills and no, I do not have a credit card that Daddy pays off for me every month. I am self-supporting. But I still require the support of my family emotionally.
I am not sure if it is best to sacrifice something I think is great and an honor for my families sake...or to sacrifice my families respect for me to pursue a dream of mine. I think this opportunity will not haunt me or ruin me but instead give me a great networking opportunity in the entertainment industry- but if it ruins my family relationships...I am stuck comtemplating its worth in the long-run.
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