I've spent my life trying to fit in with the stomach quenching feeling that I just don't. No matter how many blissful interactions occur between myself and my family, friends or coworkers...I can't escape the notion that I just don't quite mesh. Am I the only one in the world who feels this way? In some ways, I hope so. In others, I hope not.
I am riddled with an anxiety that my insecurities are transparent to my external shell. Most of the time I keep it together and play along with whatever the majority rules but some days, like today, I crack under the pressure to be social when (gosh darn it) I just want to go home.
As I grow older I find myself conflicted with settling for "who I am" OR making changes to be the "best me possible". Society doesn't help with it's conflicting campaigns for both.
Who am I? What do I want out of life? I feel lost and I feel nothing all at the same time.
I guess that's the curse of my indecisive nature. I will always play both sides of the fence. I will always question if the other choice would have been better. I will always overanalyze what I've said and think of the dozen ways I could have phrased it better or a clever joke I wish I had thought of fast enough.
I am a mess. And for the sake of fitting in, I hope I'm not the only one.
I am riddled with an anxiety that my insecurities are transparent to my external shell. Most of the time I keep it together and play along with whatever the majority rules but some days, like today, I crack under the pressure to be social when (gosh darn it) I just want to go home.
As I grow older I find myself conflicted with settling for "who I am" OR making changes to be the "best me possible". Society doesn't help with it's conflicting campaigns for both.
Who am I? What do I want out of life? I feel lost and I feel nothing all at the same time.
I guess that's the curse of my indecisive nature. I will always play both sides of the fence. I will always question if the other choice would have been better. I will always overanalyze what I've said and think of the dozen ways I could have phrased it better or a clever joke I wish I had thought of fast enough.
I am a mess. And for the sake of fitting in, I hope I'm not the only one.
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