The Ex Files

For the past week thoughts of my Ex have been dancing in my head like sugar plum fairies gone wild. I have no idea why I am thinking of him; I haven't given that man a thought in the last several months but something has me thinking of him and the thing that is most frustrating about it is I'm not thinking anything in particular about him...he's just "there" in my head.

Ironic as it may be, days after him in my head I got a Facebook message from his oldest sister thanking me once again for making her engagement video. Weird right? I haven't thought of or heard from this family in literally years and then suddenly when I think of him, I get this Facebook message. I wish I could get another message, like say, why I am thinking of him so much these days.

To be honest the thoughts give me a feeling of sad nostalgia and I get a pit in my stomach from all the raw emotion that was invested into that relationship. No matter what emotion it was at any given time, it was always  fueled by an intense passion of some sort---and I don't think I'll ever get that from another relationship. I can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing....or if its worth thinking about.

Dorothy's Rage

I may be tan on the outside but I'm furious on the inside. This past weekend boyfriend and I jetted to Kaua'i for a nice relaxing birthday weekend on the beach. An hour before our flight to paradise I get a text from my older brother saying he just got fired....and for no apparent reason. I am shocked that in Arizona an employer can fire you for any reason, including no reason at all. I console my brother and feel guilty that I'm taking a vacation while his dream just got flushed down the toilet.

You see, my brother has ALWAYS wanted to be a pilot, always, always, always. While I drifted through career dreams of supermodel, superstar and psychologist he stuck to the one dream of flying. Any memories of my brother (past or present) include aviation of some kind. He followed his dream all the way to this job of flight instructing foreign students and then boom, crash, splat...it's all over...for NO reason. My brother explained that in the aviation industry if you get fired from a job, that's it. No more jobs in the flight industry.

I am crushed for him.

One day later while enjoying a drink at a fancy-smancy place on the island I get another text from him. He heard through the grapevine someone complained about him being gay and that's likely what got him fired. I am irate. Twenty-seven years of work toward his dream of being a commercial pilot gone thanks to some flight school bigots who don't want to work with a gay. How in the world is it still lawfully OK to A. fire someone for no reason and B. to fire someone for being homosexual. I instantly shutter at what America truly is and I've been bitter about this country ever since that realization.

I decide that even though my brother relents and accepts that this is "OK" I am going to do something about it. Turns out, there's nothing I can do but hope and make a lot of phone calls. I'll admit I'm naive to the subject of laws and civil rights-- I thought it was all resolved in the 1960's like my teachers told me. Apparently we've still got a lot of work to do. Here's some fun revelations about our country for you: Did you know that in 29 states it's perfectly legal to fire an employee for no reason? Furthermore, no explanation is needed even if asked. Now, pinpointing the bigot state of Arizona here...and what the heck, let's include the good ol' U.S.A. I would also like to add that "sexual orientation" is not protected in any civil rights laws. Messed up right?

I don't care who you are or what you believe in....and by the way, your beliefs are protected by the law which is more than I can say for your sexual preference...denying someone the right to work (especially when they've trained for it, studied for it and paid a heck of a lot of tuition money to get a degree for it) because of their sexual preference is WRONG. And by the way, if you're sitting there all high and mighty thinking this rule won't impact your life...it can. Heterosexual preferences are not protected either. 

What can we do about it? Speak your opinion. Contact your Congressional Representatives. If you don't want to give a voice to this cause, then at least open your eyes to it and do a little research.

I wonder if you'll feel the same bitterness and vulnerability as I do.  

Always A Bridesmaid

For months boyfriend and I planned to attend his best friends wedding. Boyfriend was the Best Man so I had settled on the idea I would sit solo in the audience while he did his Best Man duties....little did I know what was about to ensue. Granted, I should have known exactly what was about to ensure given my knowledge of the wedding plans coming together and falling apart.

One month before the wedding we receive our invitations. Pretty sure proper etiquette says one month is not enough time, especially for those who need to make travel plans.

Two weeks before the wedding I am told the Maid of Honor (backup Maid of Honor by the way since number one said she didn't want to do it) backs out because of car trouble. She spent money to fix her car and now could not afford to come to the wedding. Side note: If one of my best friends was getting married I would spend whatever it took to get me to that wedding. Apparently now the Groom's sister is Maid of Honor.

One week before the wedding I am informed boyfriend is the only one (out of four groomsmen, three ushers and two fathers) who has gone in for a Tuxedo fitting and paid the deposit on the rental. At this point, I would be a raging Bridezilla. I don't know how this girl did this without a total breakdown.

48-hours before the wedding: Boyfriend texts me and asks what size I am. My immediate reaction is, "Shit.". Turns out one of the bridesmaids had to bail on the wedding due to some medical problem leaving me as the only one who might, and I stress, MIGHT, fit into the dress.

30-hours before the wedding: I arrive (earlier than planned) to the wedding destination and try on the dress. I quoted myself as a size 6 or 8 and this dress is a 4. Somehow it fits like the dress was made for my body...with only the small problem that no deep breaths are allowed or else the dress will pop. Is this what models go through? No big deal, the dress fit fine enough...crisis averted. I just can't eat anymore until after the ceremony.

24-hours before the wedding: We line up for the wedding rehearsal where I am informed I am the "Maid of Honor". Whoa, whoa, what???!!?? Turns out the medical emergency came from the Maid of Honor, and since I fit in the dress I got the gig. Her two sisters were in the wedding party, personally I would have upgraded one of them and left me as a lowly bridesmaid.

At wedding: As we line-up to walk down the aisle the Bride's 4-year-old son has a total meltdown. Yikes. Somehow he pulls it together and makes it down the aisle as Ring Bearer. Time for Bride to come down the aisle but no one stands for her. Feeling like it's my time to shine I motion for the audience to stand, finally they rise. The Bride walks beautifully down the aisle to meet her Groom and the Minister begins reading scripture. Notice no one has been asked to be seated yet?? THEY'RE ALL STILL STANDING!! I figure the Minister will ask everyone to be seated after the scripture reading but no. The Minister continues right on into the vows. Sensing the awkward tension behind me and hearing muddled whispers of "Can we sit?" I turn and once again motion that it's OK to sit down. They sit and my duties as Maid of Honor are done.

Gosh I hate weddings.

A Patriotic Pity

The 4th of July holiday never meant much to me in terms of festivity. My parents were safety freaks so fireworks were out. You generally have to work the next day so drinking is out. I don't have any great camping traditions or family outings to look forward to so often I just enjoy the free day at home. This year, wanting to connect with the community I find myself living in longer than I expected (much, much longer), I dragged boyfriend down to the park where the Chamber of Commerce holds an annual 4th of July gathering. There's BBQ, cotton candy, bands playing, bouncy castles for the kids and of course a fireworks show.

As we got cozy on our oversized beach towel I couldn't help but look around at the people surrounding our terry cloth oasis. To be honest I was repulsed by the site of dozens of obese men, women and children in their plus-plus-plus sized clothing. The addition of no doubt ex-convicts and generally trashy people with their trashy offspring only added to my disgust.  Now let me preface by saying I don't think of myself as being better than anyone but when I'm surrounded by toothless, braless, classless  people I can't help but feel a little higher up the social totem pole.

The display of gluttony and sloth got me thinking about the reason we celebrate the 4th of July. It's our day of Independence. It's been a hard fought battle throughout America's entire history and it was fought by brave men and women who firmly believed we deserved to be free. The thought that struck me at my  moment of taking in the surrounding sites of what America is (obese, lazy, classless) was: If our Veterans and Forefathers knew what we'd become, do you think they'd have fought so hard to make it happen?

Happy 4th O'July!

Dorothy Dare and the Renter's Remorse

We moved into our new apartment Tuesday and it still doesn't feel like home. We still have the old apartment until August 1st and there's a few things down there so I suppose that's a good explanation for why it's so easy for me to pick out the negatives of this place verses the positives of my new home.

Negative 1: Our apartment is on the outskirts of town way up on a hill in what I like to call "Apartment Land". There's no stores, no banks, no thing around us except for a bar about one mile away.

Negative 2: No matter which way we exit our apartment you go downhill (Funny thought: It's quite literally ALL downhill from here....I digress) Downhills not bad until you want to come back home and you have to go uphill. Winter is going to suck, especially since nor me or my car drive in winter.

Negative 3: We live on the second floor of a three story unit. I've always lived on the top floor of apartments so hearing footsteps (and heavy footsteps at that!!) above me constantly is going to take some getting used to. P.S. What the hell are they doing up there? It's only 574 square feet...they sound like they're running a marathon!

Negative 4: Our unit faces into the parking lot and directly over to the unit across from us. This means no more walking around half-naked and definitely not fully naked! Always keeping the bedroom blinds closed and also no more solo dance-offs in my living room....unless the drapes are closed. It also means I need to start pretending I have a green-thumb and get some plants on the balcony for a little privacy and non-concrete beauty.

Negative 5: We still don't have internet. We've been here for six days and I still cannot lock down a decent internet connection. I'm writing this using my mobile hotspot (laptop internet thanks to my phone!). Apparently our place is so new that the city hasn't wired for internet yet so no competition can get out here quite yet. I'm stuck with the crappy connection company or the huge corporation that I really don't like to deal with...May I also stress that while these places are fairly new, they are two years old, but according to everyone I've spoken to around here apparently that's as new as it gets in this town.

Negative 6: I feel bad I'm still having renter's remorse and I can only hope it goes away. I'm suddenly noticing apartment complexes that I failed to contact in my mad search for an apartment. I should brush it off but always being the one to find a bargain, I can't help but wonder if I just ripped myself off.

Ok, that's all the bad news...I'm now going to Google "Easiest plants in the world to take care of even if you leave them in the scorching summer sun for 10-days with no water". Wish me luck!