Where's My Romeo?

Yesterday I had a horrible thought. Surprisingly the thought stuck with me through this morning; I say surprisingly because lately my attention span has been most closely associated to that of a Nat. I will have a thought and then *whoosh* its gone and I sit frozen trying to remember what that thought was. For some reason I feel like if I stand perfectly still the thought will come back to me as if it had never left...so far my theory has yet to be proven. I digress.

The thought struck me somewhere between the the living room and the bedroom. "Why am I with him?" I gasped at my own thought, ashamed that I would allow myself to think such awful things. The thought opened a flood gate of reasons why I could potentially be better off without him. Yet I stay.

Another thought popped into my little pea brain moments later. "Maybe it's me, not him, that makes me stay." Why do we women stay with certain men when we know, and have been told, we could do better? I'm not saying I am a victim of abuse. I'm pretty sure I could kick his ass before he would ever hurt me. I'm not even saying he is a bad person. He's great. But maybe a little too one-dimensional for me. I need more substance to keep my attention.

I am staying in a relationship with this person who makes me feel....nothing. We have nothing in common except for a shared address. We say the words but there's no passion in them, just emptiness. Where's my Romeo?

In all honesty I like the comfort of it all and that's the problem. It seems a giant pain in the ass to part ways and quite frankly, its a heck of a lot easier to just stay together and bare through the nothingness of it all. Right now in my life there is nothing better out there for me, I partially blame my location. But doesn't economics teach us that its better to have at least something, than nothing?

Maybe I am my own victim of abuse.